Delaware LGBT community endures fear, points to change
Dan Cole and his husband strolled through a grocery store in an unfamiliar part of New Castle County. They joked about his sweet tooth and held hands in the bread aisle, but as Cole leaned in to kiss his partner's cheek – he stopped.
Fear flashed in his mind. In that unfamiliar setting two weeks ago, he chose caution over affection. Would another shopper make a comment? Or worse, would someone follow them as they walked home? They decided to quickly leave the store.
Reaction to the shooting at a gay nightclub in Orlando that left 49 dead and 53 injured, has deepened those reservations. In the first hours after the shooting, there was shock and overwhelming fear. In Delaware, long a haven for the LGBT community, there were calls to action and to remain vigilant in the fight for recognition and equality.
For some, it also included renewed overtures for Congress to pass tougher gun laws.
"We do not live in fear, but we live with fear, we live despite fear," said Cole, 26, who lives near Arden.
In the week that followed, the nation has debated how to frame the largest mass shooting in the history of the United States. Police said the gunman expressed allegiance to the Islamic State. Other reports pointed to his disdain for the LGBT community.
As the debate swirls in political circles and on the street, the response in Delaware has been profound. Delaware has the highest percentage of same-sex couples sharing a home, according to the Census. And candlelight vigils have been held nightly up and down the state, while others have taken to social media to call for action.
Dozens within the LGBT community in Delaware who spoke to The News Journal since the massacre have said there is not one answer to prevent a repeat of Orlando. While rejecting the idea that this was solely Islamic terrorism, they pointed to the need for stricter gun control laws, greater mental health treatment and the continued need for their community to remain visible.
The Rev. Ginny Wilder woke up Sunday morning to news of the horrific attack. Her gut reaction was fear. In just a few hours, she would have to step in front of her congregation at Trinity Episcopal Parish in Wilmington to preach, and as a gay woman, the thought scared her.
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“For one fleeting moment, I realized I am a target,” she said.
Her fear quickly turned into action. At a vigil for the Orlando victims near Trolley Square Monday, she asked the crowd why "any sane person" needs an assault rifle.
“How many lives will it take before our elected officials decide assault rifles have no place in our society?” she asked.
While her opinion is common in Delaware's predominantly-liberal LGBT community, many conservatives disagree.
Delaware Rep. Richard Collins, R-Millsboro, said society needs more people to arm themselves – not fewer – especially since the Islamic State has called for American Muslims to attack their home turf.
"Why did not one person have a gun with them to defend themselves?" he asked. "The police are not going to be around all the time."
Another Republican, John Fluharty, the former executive director of the state GOP, who is gay, believes Congress should pass a law that bans the public sale of high-powered assault rifles, like the one the gunman used.
But before anything, he said, society should recognize that the attack in Orlando was targeted at a place where LGBT people could comfortably express their sexuality.
“The fact remains that he went into an LGBTQ bar and killed (49) people,” Fluharty said.
Hate crimes against LGBT down
A stroll down Baltimore Avenue in Rehoboth is marked by Rainbow flags and LGBT-owned shops and restaurants. The coastal town is known as being one of the most gay-friendly on the East Coast.
On that stretch of road in the beach town is CAMP Rehoboth, a nonprofit gay and lesbian community service organization, which serves as a place where the community can organize and relax without fear of discrimination. The day after the attack, the center held a vigil where about a hundred people gathered to pray, hug and cry.
Tim Ragan, co-owner of the Blue Moon, created a tribute video that is playing at the club's shows this weekend. Photographs of all 49 victims in Orlando flash across a projector screen as female impersonators sing the anthem "Proud."
"It does hit home being a club owner," Ragan said. "I felt as though it could have been anybody I know. It could have been any of our customers. You never know."
Ragan and his partner, Randy Haney, have found Rehoboth Beach to be open to the LGBT community but said the Orlando attacks takes you back to times when that wasn't true nationally.
In the past, the club suffered minor attacks, such as bottles thrown at it and had the windows hidden behind large planters so people couldn't see inside. But now the windows are uncovered and no incidents have been reported for years. Today, the venue is not solely a "gay bar," but aims to be more inclusive. About 60 to 70 percent of its clientele are gay men, Ragan said.
"Now you walk by the street and you can see from the front to the back," Ragan said. "There is nothing going on that shouldn't be going on. Nothing to hide."
Many traditional LGBT venues nationwide are known for actively welcoming people of all sexual orientations and identities. Pulse, in Orlando, was one of those, Sara Brady, its spokeswoman told The News Journal.
While Rehoboth is flush with gay-friendly bars, northern Delaware is not. The LGBT community there is large and politically active, but there is only one LGBT bar in New Castle and Kent counties and a handful of gay happy hours elsewhere. Many in the community say they travel to Philadelphia's vibrant Gayborhood neighborhood when they want to dance or drink in a LGBT bar.
The number of hate crimes against people in the LGBT community nationally has remained steady during the 10 years between 2005 and 2014, the most recent year the FBI has released data. Hate crimes against people identified as transgender or gender neutral were not reported until 2013.
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Reports of any kind of hate crimes in Delaware have fallen from 45 in 2005 to just 13 in 2014. During the time span, Delaware police reported at least 39 hate crimes against the LGBT community to the FBI, although no data is publicly available for 2009.
Ragan said a hate crime, like what happened in Orlando, could occur anywhere.
"We are not afraid. It obviously happened in churches, schools, and you don't know what the motivation is for people to do things such as that," he said.
What is the appropriate response?
While Delaware’s large LGBT community expressed shock and various levels of fear this week, none who spoke with The News Journal expressed a desire for revenge or bloodlust.
"That's because the LGBT community has long known the power of love and acceptance," Cole said.
It’s also the best way to win over the political hearts and minds of people who still might harbor disapproving views of homosexuality, he said.
When asked what policies should be enacted to prevent another mass shooting, many first reflected silently. Some became emotional and then pointed to gun control.
The shooting also caused that topic to arise in Washington, D.C.
Lawmakers in the nation’s capital spent last week fighting over gun control measures. One Senate Democrat held a filibuster that ended with Republican leadership agreeing to schedule votes on legislation to ban gun sales to suspected terrorists and expanding background checks for gun purchases. Republicans are pushing less-restrictive measures.
An outright ban on assault weapons, similar to the federal law that expired in 2004, was also raised.
Aides to Delaware Rep. John Carney, Sen. Tom Carper and Sen. Chris Coons, told The News Journal that their respective bosses support renewing the ban.
Peter Antolini of Rehoboth Beach said while working at Philip Morton Gallery last week, that while the shooting is a complicated issue, the one clear thing is that stricter gun control measures are necessary. He admits that gun ownership in this country is ingrained in the culture, but there needs to be limits.
Delaware's Senate is expected to take up a measure next week that would change current background check rules. Currently, if a check is not complete in three days, the purchase can go through. Proposals would lengthen that to 29 or 30 days.
“There are certain weapons that should not be allowed,” Antolini said. “There is no reason to have a military- or police-type weapons in the hands of the general public.”
Presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump has led an alternative interpretation of the Orlando tragedy. The first thing Congress should do to prevent further massacres, he said, is to ban Muslim immigration into the U.S. Omar Mateen, the Orlando shooter, was born in the United States.
"There’s only one thing to discuss, the growing threat of terrorism inside of our borders," Trump said in a speech the Monday after the attack. "A radical Islamic terrorist targeted the nightclub, not only because he wanted to kill Americans, but in order to execute gay and lesbian citizens."
At a religious service to reflect on the Orlando massacre at Limestone Presbyterian Church Wednesday, Dr. Muqtedar Khan, associate professor at the University of Delaware said one of Islam's tenets states that killing an innocent person, like any of the young people in Orlando, is the same as killing all of humanity. If the shooter was radicalized, he was not following the teachings of Islam, he implied.
"But in this moment of madness, in this moment of insanity, what would have happened if he didn’t have access to a gun?” asked Khan, who is also co-founder of the Delaware Council on Global and Muslim Affairs.
Despite the Islamic teachings of peace that Khan noted, many point to numerous Muslim majority countries that ban homosexuality, which includes much of the Middle East and Africa.
Even in certain places in the U.S., there is hatred toward people who identify as LGBT, Cole said. While he notes that, as a 20-something, he didn't live through the trials of the AIDS epidemic or the Stonewall riots – an LGBT protest against the New York City police during the 1960s after officers repeatedly raided the Stonewall bar in Greenwich Village – he still must remain aware in Delaware and beyond.
Wherever he is with his husband, he said, they have an emergency code word they can use whenever they confront a potential threat. One of them will say, "I think I left the iron on." The other will know it's time to leave.
"It's something we would never say to each other" otherwise, he said.
Contact Jessica Masulli Reyes at (302) 324-2777, jmreyes@delawareonline.com or Twitter @JessicaMasulli. Contact Karl Baker at kbaker@delawareonline.com or (302) 324-2329. Follow him on Twitter @kbaker6.