NEWS

A daughter kidnapped; a mother's anguish

Esteban Parra
The News Journal

Whoever abducted Nefertiri Trader from her home on June 30 left behind few clues.

A stomped loaf of bread lay on the front lawn. A pack of Newport cigarettes and an unopened condom sat on a porch chair. Then there were her flip flops – one right next to the other near the front door of her Saddlebrook home near New Castle.

"He took her barefoot," said her mother, 57-year-old Denise Trader, holding the flip flops and fighting back tears.

Something her abductor left behind in abundance were questions like: Who forced the 33-year-old woman into her silver 2000 Acura RL? And is Nefertiri Trader alive or dead?

"It eats me up a whole lot," Trader told The News Journal. "It's not a day that goes by that I don't wonder where she's at and when she'll be back."

There are few common behaviors for families of a missing person, said Mike Melson, founder and president of Trinity Search & Recovery, a Temecula, California, nonprofit that helps families of missing persons. One common reaction is the inability to move forward.

"Their life has had the pause button hit and everything stops," Melson said. "Their entire life is at a standstill as long as the person is missing."

After that, there is no rulebook on how they are supposed to act, he said.

"It's a situation that no one can even fathom being in until it happens to them," Melson said. "So you can never predict how someone is going to handle that situation."

For the family of Nefertiri Trader, there is a lot frustration.

There's frustration that police aren't working hard enough to find her, especially as the family sees other people being found. Nefertiri Trader's mother questions how Philadelphia police were able to find Carlesha Freeland-Gaither 72 hours after her abduction, but Nefertiri Trader is still missing after more than four months.

Circumstances surrounding abductions are different. In Freeland-Gaither's case, a witnesses contacted police almost immediately after the abduction occurred. In Nefertiri's case, more than half a day passed before police were contacted.

"Families often get frustrated when their loved ones aren't found," Melson said. "That's always understandable – 99.9 percent of the time, the law enforcement folks have done just a fantastic job. Sometimes that's not enough.

"The only thing that matters to that family is bringing that loved one home and when that doesn't happen that frustration can quickly come up."

Families often don't understand law enforcement's perspective on these matters, but he added that what he's witnessed is police wanting to do more.

"But it's not necessarily possible," he said. "Not because they couldn't necessarily do more on one case, but they've got an entire desk full of cases."

New Castle County police detectives have not had strong leads nor any solid information on Nefertiri's disappearance. But they continue to investigate her disappearance.

"It's still open, it's still active," said Officer Tracey Duffy, a county police spokeswoman. She added that if anyone has information on the missing woman they should contact Detective Matthew DiSabatino at (302) 395-8110 or medisabatino@nccde.org. People also can submit a tip on the police website, nccpd.com.

"Just know that our detective is still actively working this case. He hasn't stopped working the case," Duffy said.

Last week, police reached out to the missing woman's mother.

"He was just telling me that they were still investigating ...," Trader said, adding she still felt there was more that could be done. "I'm still not satisfied."

It's been more than four months since a Nefertiri was forced into her car.

A nearby neighbor, Joe Robinson, happened to be awake about 4 a.m. when Nefertiri's porch light lit up. Robinson looked out his second-story bedroom window and saw a man dragging the woman into her Acura. By the time Robinson walked downstairs, the car had left.

Unsure if someone was sick and being taken to the hospital, Robinson said he didn't call police.

"Had I known something was going on like that, I wouldn't have hesitated," he said. "It bothers me."

"I hope they find her," he said.

Police did not hear about Nefertiri's abduction until later that day, when her mother called police because she'd not heard from her. A family member staying at Nefertiri's had noticed the stomped loaf of bread and other debris in the front yard.

Her mother now has the flip flops, which last week she had on steps leading to the second floor of her Claymont home.

Trader said her daughter's three children – ages 18, 12 and 8 – are being cared for by their aunt – Nefertiri Trader's sister. It's been difficult on the children too, Trader said.

"The oldest wants to know where she is and how come nobody has found her yet," she said. The youngest needed counseling. The family recently held a fundraiser to help the children.

Nefertiri lived in her Freedom Trail home for nearly 10 years, her mother said. But as of last month, the family had to move all her daughter's belongings out of the home and place them in storage.

Trader tries not to think about the negative.

But she admits that it's difficult not to go there, especially when she hears news reports of bodies found.

"That brings fear to my heart ... because I'm thinking it might be her," she said. "Then I feel relieved when I find out it's not her and then I'll be thanking God for it not being her."

Trader scribbles notes into a spiral notebook, keeping track of conversations and possible clues about her daughter's disappearance. It also reminds her of who she has spoken to about this. She also creates jewelry, one in particular thanking God that her daughter will be found.

There also have been some changes in Trader, including a lack of sleep and depression.

Jay Charles, a cousin, says he sees the anger and frustration coming out in Trader's Facebook posts.

But he said he can understand that frustration, especially with people who were Nefertiri's friends. That's because they seem to have stopped helping out by not attending fundraisers or showing up at searches, Charles said. He added he sees more support from strangers online and thanks them for that.

"There's people online who have paid attention to this from the very start," he said.

Trader also has become suspicious of strangers.

"As far as young guys, yes," she said, believing the abductor to be a young man. "I'm quite sure he was."

Trader said she avoids support groups.

"Only person I talk to about it is God," she said. "And I have a best friend that I talk to about it."

She gathers strength when she speaks to God, adding that she asks Him to touch the abductor's heart to release her. She also asks God to help them find her, as well as telling her who her daughter is with.

Through Facebook, Trader sends requests asking friends and family to help raise money in order to provide a reward. She also organizes search parties on Facebook.

When they search, they drive, or sometimes walk through woods or near water.

"That's where I think her car would be," Trader said. "If we find her car, we'll find her."

Although death is a possibility, her mother prefers to think her oldest child remains alive in the hands of her kidnapper.

"I don't know what to think," she said. "I try to stay positive. I'm thinking somebody took her, they're holding her against her will, they're scared to let her go because they're afraid that she's going to talk as far as who it is that took her."

There is one thing she wants most:

"I want my child back home. We love her, we miss her and we just want her back."

Contact Esteban Parra at (302) 324-2299, eparra@delawareonline.com or Twitter @eparra3.